A grandmother's love isn't one step removed but a grand love.
I thought she was doing me a favor. I thought she was sacrificing her plans and her energy to watch her children and the grand ones. And she really did!
She wasn't verbal with her emotions, my grandma. Indian born, she kept things inside. She was 7 when her father left her,13 when she had her first baby in her arms,my moms elder sister. She had grandpa back for 51 precious years and then she lost him too.
And lost something of herself, too.
I never saw her act up or out, or kick up her heels, or laugh so hard that she cried. I never saw her lose control in any way. Not when her husband died. She dried her eyes. She sat up straighter. And she carried on.
She loved her children and grand children( especially me!). I understood this. But I didn't how much she loved them. How could I? and I believed that her love was less than mine; it had to be, diluted by even the word, grandmother, a syllable removed. Mother closer. Mother the real thing.
I still remember the late night stories she told and the simple way of living she thought me.They inspire me even now! There is no day spent without remembering you grandma,without rolling a drop of tear over ma cheek. Why did you leave me grandma? Dint i love you enough?
If she were here now I would be sitting at her kitchen table eating the
daalpoli(sweet)she always made for me, asking her why.
Why didn't you tell me that being a grandmother isn't love one step removed but a grand love, a huge, twinkle in your eyes, lilt in your steps love that you don't expect?
I call her narsamba(her name) and she used to call me gradma! A Grandmother's Love I always knew within my heart, God sent you from above. I still see myself with you eating those road side gol guppas,seeing movies in tent house, drenching in rain ,the sugarcane we stole,I see even now. I look back and see how she waited at her door exclaiming over each of them , at every age, and at whatever they had with them. A handbag. A paper. A friend.
I see how she always had time to sit down and listen. She gave me what i asked for. And she gave me what i didn't ask for — her heart.
She greatly believed in GOD! Offered prayers and asked for very minute things! One of them was to see one of her grand daughters marriage and god loved her so much that she was taken by him before she fulfilled her desires! Making all of us, especially me, left with nothing. I see her smile from heavens. I see her showering her blessings!
I wait at the door of god. I hear a little voice.
And I know that no sound on earth will ever be dearer.
I love u loads narsamba! Miss u! There is nobody else other than me who misses you!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Spirituality!
Everything we have created on this planet was essentially first created in our minds. All that you see which is human work on this planet first found expression in the mind, then it got manifested in the outside world.
A well established mind, a mind which is in a state of samyukthi, is referred to as a Kalpavriksha or wishing tree. If you organise your mind to a certain level, it, in turn, organises the whole system. Your body, your emotions, your energies, everything gets organised in that direction.
If you do this you are a Kalpavriksha yourself. Anything that you wish will happen.
Once we are empowered with a potential like this, it is very important that our physical, emotional, mental and energy actions are controlled and properly directed. If it is not so, we become destructive, self-destructive.
Right now, that is our problem. The technology which is supposed to make our life beautiful and easy has become the source of several problems. What should have been a boon is turning out to be a curse. If life has to happen the way you think it should happen, first of all how you think and with how much focus you think, how much stability is there in your thought and how much reverberance is there in the thought process - all these will determine if your thought will become a reality or not.
Today, modern science is proving that the whole of existence is just a reverberation of energy. It is a vibration. Similarly, your thought is also a vibration. If you generate a powerful thought and let it out, it will always manifest itself. To create what you really care for, first, what you want must be well manifested in your mind. Once you can maintain a steady stream of thought without changing direction, definitely this is going to happen in your life. It will definitely manifest as a reality in your life.
So, either you make this human form into a Kalpavriksha or you make it into one big mess. You must be clear as to what is it that you really want. If you do not know what you want, the question of creating it doesn't arise.
What every human being wants is to live joyfully, he wants to live peacefully, in terms of its relationship he wants to be loving and affectionate. All that any human being is seeking for is pleasantness within himself, pleasantness around him. Once your mind gets organised, the way you think is the way you feel: your emotions will get organised. Once your thought and emotion are organised, your energies will go the same way. Then your very body will get organised. Once all these four are organised in one direction, your ability to create and manifest what you want is phenomenal.
You have the power to create, you are the Creator, in so many ways. The whole technology of Isha Yoga is just about this - transforming yourself from being just a piece of creation to the Creator himself. This is not in search of God, this is in search of becoming a God. This is not in search of Divine, this is in search of becoming Divine.
A well established mind, a mind which is in a state of samyukthi, is referred to as a Kalpavriksha or wishing tree. If you organise your mind to a certain level, it, in turn, organises the whole system. Your body, your emotions, your energies, everything gets organised in that direction.
If you do this you are a Kalpavriksha yourself. Anything that you wish will happen.
Once we are empowered with a potential like this, it is very important that our physical, emotional, mental and energy actions are controlled and properly directed. If it is not so, we become destructive, self-destructive.
Right now, that is our problem. The technology which is supposed to make our life beautiful and easy has become the source of several problems. What should have been a boon is turning out to be a curse. If life has to happen the way you think it should happen, first of all how you think and with how much focus you think, how much stability is there in your thought and how much reverberance is there in the thought process - all these will determine if your thought will become a reality or not.
Today, modern science is proving that the whole of existence is just a reverberation of energy. It is a vibration. Similarly, your thought is also a vibration. If you generate a powerful thought and let it out, it will always manifest itself. To create what you really care for, first, what you want must be well manifested in your mind. Once you can maintain a steady stream of thought without changing direction, definitely this is going to happen in your life. It will definitely manifest as a reality in your life.
So, either you make this human form into a Kalpavriksha or you make it into one big mess. You must be clear as to what is it that you really want. If you do not know what you want, the question of creating it doesn't arise.
What every human being wants is to live joyfully, he wants to live peacefully, in terms of its relationship he wants to be loving and affectionate. All that any human being is seeking for is pleasantness within himself, pleasantness around him. Once your mind gets organised, the way you think is the way you feel: your emotions will get organised. Once your thought and emotion are organised, your energies will go the same way. Then your very body will get organised. Once all these four are organised in one direction, your ability to create and manifest what you want is phenomenal.
You have the power to create, you are the Creator, in so many ways. The whole technology of Isha Yoga is just about this - transforming yourself from being just a piece of creation to the Creator himself. This is not in search of God, this is in search of becoming a God. This is not in search of Divine, this is in search of becoming Divine.
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