My grandma's treasure box

Of-late, I have been feeling like a fish caught in a treacherous net caused by large impact events, such as, the asteroid that may have led to the end of dinosaurs.
But then, I decided to take time-out today and relax a little and let my tired soul rejuvenate. 


I thought of my cheerful Grand mother.

She was a winner everyday, a person who smiled the most. The rewards she earned lasted long. The people who encountered her won't be able to help but smile back. She was a voice of energy, encouragement, inspiration and hope. She always lifted my soul towards right path. She showed me new ways of giving and best ways of living.



I opened THE tiny treasure box (toy suit-case) which she had given me. The treasure box - I am crazed, fascinated and joyful of the treasure that lie in it. It opened to me, the World I lived with her. Sigh! It had a collection of old 5paise, 10paise and 20paise coins. Holding them in my hands today, I could feel her rough fingers, which handed these coins into my tiny arms decades ago. Time, how restlessly it speeds. These are the things which matter the most to me whether in the day or in the night. Into this tiny treasure box of mine, I have placed my precious heart and the rest I have filled with the beautiful memories I have had with her.
Dear beloved Grandma,
Give me the strength to continue my journey, to be joyous in my life and create memories for those remaining. You are the greatest treasure truly from the heavens above, made of selfless love. You always inspire me in every single thing I do, as trivial as the breath I breathe.

My heart is still weeping knowing there is no returning.

-Your loving grand daughter.

till our next embrace...farewell my friend.

Heavy rains lashed Bangalore on Friday, 19th of July 2013.
There was a heavy storm lashing inside my heart too. You were leaving.

Now that you are  gone...

The cinema halls we had been to, played sad movies,
The restaurants we dined, served dull food,( not pleasant spicy )
The sea gushed out with pain,
The empty road bore a dead sight,
The ice-cream parlors melted away in sadness,
The sky seemed empty and lifeless,
The moon hid behind the clouds unable to see the parting,
The stars stopped twinkling,
The cigarettes burnt away themselves,
The Sun forgot to shine and
The empty beer glasses shed a tear.

Miss your strong arms around me, your words of comfort, your company. You always made me the person who I wanted to be instead of the person I am.
My failing heart cries with pain and end up in a faded mouth that cannot smile and may not laugh again.
Now that we part, all I am left with is a dairy milk wrapper, a five-star, a match box, some sea shells, photos, movie tickets, couple of tooth-picks, a jacket, parking coupons, coins, bills, a t-shirt and loads and loads of memories between us, the tears and laughters we shared, which will stay with me forever.
I just dint think that someone like you would hang out with someone like me.
But its unfair to have you so far now...

I say with pleasure and pain, with tears of joy and sorrow,
Farewell my friend.
Let sunshine and shower be with you.
I love everything about you because it is YOU!
I always have and I always will :)

when I almost got married...

He walks with a cane in his hand,
with energy sufficient enough to conquer the world.
his gleaming,dazzling eyes of darkness see it all,
even the stories the eyes of light could never imagine
my wondering heart questioned me,
how would it feel to not able to see what is on your plate,
but then I answered it,
the eyes of light are always stuck in an ignorance bliss and see nothing,
he can go where no one else can go,
he amazes me every-time I meet him,
like a mad woman laughing at the rain,
be it with the striking memory power,
or giving me directions on road,
My eyes which know the darkness in my heart,
are soothed beneath his loving eyes and helping hands.

Raju and his missed call..

My life has been interesting and quite unpredictable. It has been good and bad to most of me.
While I chatted with a friend last evening, I suddenly remembered the name "Raju".
Raju was my first ever internet unknown boy friend.

School days!
Summer vacations, getting your back-pack ready to move on to the next grade, meeting old friends, tonnes of homework, study, study study!!  Early morning coffee while your grandma cleaned the house,
Sunday evening movie time, Cartoon time, fight with siblings over a silly video game "game over", no late hangouts,  on the streets of my home-town, could find many faces which used to scream ,"Hey, thats's Poornima"!, cycling to school, waiting for the next summer to come, meet new friends - NEW ONES!

I was a timid, quite and extremely shy girl. Treated talking to boys offensively. Even avoided going to a petty shop to buy toffees if there were any men. Silly!

But then things change you see. I was introduced to the internet culture by a dear friend.
And once, the computer popped ,"Raju has sent you a request on Yahoo chat!". I did not know what to do, and I accepted. Then, we started chatting, emailing and sharing minute details in each others lives. He seemed to be a nice guy.


Sitting in front of the computer, I eagerly waited for his e-mails or him to be online. My days brightened up when I heard from him. Though I never saw him, never met him, I knew whatever he said came from his heart. I used to picture him by the way I thought of him. I had enough freedom to do so.

We decided we will talk over the phone. I couldn't say no.Those days we did not have mobile phones. I shared my land-line number with him. We lived in a duplex house with a decent level of luxury. We had two land line phones, parallel connection, one in the living room and one in the master bed-room.  

But I was scared about my parents knowing about the phone call if they happen to pick. They wouldn't like guys asking for me. I thought I made a mistake sharing my contact number.

But then, he wrote to me, "Poorni!", that's what he used to call me, " I will call you every Saturday afternoon around 2:30. I shall first give you a blank call to prepare you to pick the next immediate call which would be me." I was super-excited.

It was an ever thrilling Saturday. I seemed restless since I woke up. Came back from school, threw away my back-pack, changed into my casuals and sat on the sofa close to the phone by 2:00. I lifted the receiver of the phone and told myself "Its working!!". I did that twice or thrice. It was a long wait. And finally, the phone rang. I wanted to jump in the air. But with my folks around, I tried acting as normal as I could. 

He spoke with kindness,love and wisdom. He was humorous. Only he spoke! I was just, hummm, hummm, hummm, okie, yeah, right, no!
Nobody had ever spoken to me like the way he did.

So this continued for a couple of weeks. Saturdays became my favorite. They shone brightly. I enjoyed his pampering and attention.

But not long!

My mom had carefully observed the behavioral changes in me, every Saturday afternoon. She wondered what I was up-to. She set her detective mode on. This time while I was on the call, she slowly walked upstairs, and picked-up the phone from the master bed room and heard me talking to a guy. I hung-up the receiver when I heard her breathing heavily with anger.
Like this, I was caught!! And I observed a grave momentary silence..... 

I was given a very strong warning to stop all this right away, by my parents. I stopped! Stopped e-mailing, stopped chatting , stopped picking his calls. After whatever happened it’s only logical that I maintain a stony silence. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
At some point you have to let it go, you can't make everyone stay with you.

After this incident, every-time the phone rang Saturday afternoons, it stroke a round of anxiety and a sort of commotion started to make me feel nervous. I feared. The feeling, calmed down eventually and nullified when we relocated.

Sipping my morning coffee, today, I searched  for "Raju" from my facebook account, with a little hope to find him after around 8 years. I finished my coffee and the effort to find him. I knew it was impossible but still I tried. But his memories are as fresh as the month of May. 

..can't erase his memories from my mind and I am sorry my friend, if I made you mad.