My life has been interesting and quite unpredictable. It has been good and bad to most of me.
While I chatted with a friend last evening, I suddenly remembered the name "Raju".
Raju was my first ever internet unknown boy friend.
School days!
Summer vacations, getting your back-pack ready to move on to the next grade, meeting old friends, tonnes of homework, study, study study!! Early morning coffee while your grandma cleaned the house,
Sunday evening movie time, Cartoon time, fight with siblings over a silly video game "game over", no late hangouts, on the streets of my home-town, could find many faces which used to scream ,"Hey, thats's Poornima"!, cycling to school, waiting for the next summer to come, meet new friends - NEW ONES!
I was a timid, quite and extremely shy girl. Treated talking to boys offensively. Even avoided going to a petty shop to buy toffees if there were any men. Silly!
But then things change you see. I was introduced to the internet culture by a dear friend.
And once, the computer popped ,"Raju has sent you a request on Yahoo chat!". I did not know what to do, and I accepted. Then, we started chatting, emailing and sharing minute details in each others lives. He seemed to be a nice guy.
Sitting in front of the computer, I eagerly waited for his e-mails or him to be online. My days brightened up when I heard from him. Though I never saw him, never met him, I knew whatever he said came from his heart. I used to picture him by the way I thought of him. I had enough freedom to do so.
We decided we will talk over the phone. I couldn't say no.Those days we did not have mobile phones. I shared my land-line number with him. We lived in a duplex house with a decent level of luxury. We had two land line phones, parallel connection, one in the living room and one in the master bed-room.
But I was scared about my parents knowing about the phone call if they happen to pick. They wouldn't like guys asking for me. I thought I made a mistake sharing my contact number.
But then, he wrote to me, "Poorni!", that's what he used to call me, " I will call you every Saturday afternoon around 2:30. I shall first give you a blank call to prepare you to pick the next immediate call which would be me." I was super-excited.
It was an ever thrilling Saturday. I seemed restless since I woke up. Came back from school, threw away my back-pack, changed into my casuals and sat on the sofa close to the phone by 2:00. I lifted the receiver of the phone and told myself "Its working!!". I did that twice or thrice. It was a long wait. And finally, the phone rang. I wanted to jump in the air. But with my folks around, I tried acting as normal as I could.
He spoke with kindness,love and wisdom. He was humorous. Only he spoke! I was just, hummm, hummm, hummm, okie, yeah, right, no!
Nobody had ever spoken to me like the way he did.
So this continued for a couple of weeks. Saturdays became my favorite. They shone brightly. I enjoyed his pampering and attention.
But not long!
My mom had carefully observed the behavioral changes in me, every Saturday afternoon. She wondered what I was up-to. She set her detective mode on. This time while I was on the call, she slowly walked upstairs, and picked-up the phone from the master bed room and heard me talking to a guy. I hung-up the receiver when I heard her breathing heavily with anger.
Like this, I was caught!! And I observed a grave momentary silence.....
I was given a very strong warning to stop all this right away, by my parents. I stopped! Stopped e-mailing, stopped chatting , stopped picking his calls. After whatever happened it’s only logical that I maintain a stony silence. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
At some point you have to let it go, you can't make everyone stay with you.
After this incident, every-time the phone rang Saturday afternoons, it stroke a round of anxiety and a sort of commotion started to make me feel nervous. I feared. The feeling, calmed down eventually and nullified when we relocated.
Sipping my morning coffee, today, I searched for "Raju" from my facebook account, with a little hope to find him after around 8 years. I finished my coffee and the effort to find him. I knew it was impossible but still I tried. But his memories are as fresh as the month of May.
..can't erase his memories from my mind and I am sorry my friend, if I made you mad.
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